From a girl to a sister, celebrating women!

By far the most aggressive of my fights for the empowerment and recognition of the dignity of women is the encounter I had today with a woman I have known for well over four years. It all started when she asked a group of us if there was a problem with this particular lady's make-up, as she appeared shiny and spooky on the camera. I argued to say that her make-up, or the choice of which she had on, was not a problem, but rather, an issue of probably the camera and lighting. I further argued to say that having worked non-stop for the past weeks, with an undoubted few days without sleep for the task she had at hand, to deliver a major announcement on television, the camera was just not kind to her. It only made sense to assume that the eye-bags and seemingly tired face were a results of a tedious week for her. I could easily have brushed aside the difference of opinion the lady  and I had on the issue, but her statement, 

"What kind of make-up is that, she looks like those prostitutes from the streets!"

was the deal breaker for me. Not only was it appalling to have another woman degrade a sister, but more so, a woman  who is known within my space to empower other women. I felt tears sting my eyes, and begin to trickle down as I told her that coming from her, it was heartbreaking. As a young woman passionate about the empowerment of women, a young girl looking up to her as a champion of the emancipation of women, I felt betrayed. Quavering through the tears, I expressed how women, unique to their interests and choices, had the right to define what is comfortable for them, and that the standards or expectations of another woman should not confine them to a box. My heart sank further when she said that she is, like any other person, entitled to her opinion. While this fact goes without debate, I felt it pivotal for women to also realize that rights come with responsibilities, some of which include expressing ourselves without offending or shrinking the next person's space. We cannot explore our rights and ignore the reality of co-existence, and the ethical demands for the respect of other women. If the next woman chooses to have the kind of make-up that I could not consider wearing, it does not make them any less a woman like me, or give me the jurisdiction to liken them to prostitutes, or anything else that suits my justification.

"We so often criticize other women, for their difference, and forget that we are not a standard for all women. It is really just sad how easily we make jokes out of a sister's make-up, the way she is dressed, and sometimes, the way she speaks to the point we liken them to prostitutes, who are also women transacting their bodies to make ends meet. Women whose struggle we would be fools to think we understand, and whose journey deserves nothing less than respect from us. I dread the manner in which we slowly normalize derogatory judgment of other women when we fail to find fault in their merit. The foundation of progress where the development of women and girls is concerned is the acknowledgement of our diversity, and refraining from letting our expectations and opinions define what other females can or cannot do"

Part of my journey as a woman has been having to deal with destructive criticism, often perpetrated by people who do not know my journey, and so when a sister is attacked illegitimately, I take it upon myself to defend her. I do not therefore have to have any form of attachment with the sister being attacked, being female is enough for me to know how it would feel had I been in her shoes. The moment we as women start feeling comfortable degrading other women for whatever seemingly makes them less than we are, is the day we lose the right to tell our male counterparts to respect our sisters. It is the little things we do or say about other women that build or destroy other women. Every derogatory statement can reverse the healing of a once broken woman, or break a sister who is barely holding it together. It is my sincere hope and encouragement that we choose to build that sister, even when we think she does not deserve it, because really, who are we to feel ourselves better than the next person.

"As I conclude writing this, I prepare my apology to the woman ho triggered my emotions today. The greatest gift in this journey as a young woman aspiring to walk in the same shoes as her is realizing that I lose nothing by eating a humble pie. I only hope that in my expression of the way I feel about how we as women treat other women, I cement my stand where women and girls are concerned, and the desire I have to be the girl that strengthened and not broke another sister. I choose to celebrate women by speaking truth to power, and defending other women when they are attacked for the choices."

When girls unite, they are a fortress, and only their division can destroy them